


Dream

by Demerite



Series: Trektober 2019 [26]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Cuddling, Dreams, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21182975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demerite/pseuds/Demerite
Summary: After everything they've done over the last few days, a few stolen glances cannot possibly feel like shame.





	Dream

**Author's Note:**

> For the Day 27 Prompt: Wet Dream, although this ended up going in a totally different direction so it's really more of a....romantic dream I guess? 
> 
> ALSO, this is an excerpt from/teaser for a Piler fake-dating fic I'm gonna be working on after NaNo WriMo, so look out for that at some point in the slightly more distant future.

The moon is full, the light shining in through the open window of their suite, painting everything in stark light and inky shadows that throw everything into sharp relief. The gauzy curtains swirl in the breeze, sweeping and dancing like ghosts. The sheets are almost blindingly white the gap between them. A gap that could be so much larger; for the first time since they landed here, they're sharing an actual bed, not a rudimentary sleeping-platform in a temporary shelter, and yet they're barely a handspan apart from each other. 

Ash lies awake, and watches, and thinks about the last few days, about the mission, and about Chris. 

Chris is awake too, and they watch each other in the cool light of the room. Ash is unashamed to be caught looking. After everything they've done in the last few days; the kisses, the nights spent pressed together, the details they have given near-strangers about their relationship, a few stolen glances cannot possibly feel like shame. 

Ash knows they should talk, while they have the chance to speak unwatched. Tonight is their last night, the rains and winds outside the shield already calming. They'll be going back to _Discovery _first thing tomorrow morning, and Ash suspects that their return to the ship will also herald a return to the icy silences, charged glances, and verbal one-upmanship of before. Ash doesn't want to go back to that. Not after so many days of being free to touch Chris in public, to hold his hand, to kiss him with only the frailest of excuses, to tell strangers about the history of their relationship...even if it's all a lie. 

He wants so desperately for it to be able to continue, even though he knows it can't. 

Ash steels himself, prepares to put up the barrier between them again. 

"Captain." He says quietly. That gets him a disapproving look; they'd discussed on the first day, during those few frantic moments alone where they'd been able to hash out the details of their faked relationship, that they should eschew titles and just use each other's first names, but Ash continues without acknowledging it. "When we return to _Discovery..." _

"All will be forgotten." Chris assures him, placatingly. 

Ash tells himself that the ache in his chest is unrelated. He takes a deep breath. "And if I don't want to forget?" He asks into the silence. 

Chris' eyes go wide, but Ash continues. 

"What if I want to keep doing this? What if I want it to be _real? _I've seen the way you look at me when there's no-one here, when you don't have to do it to keep up the act, but you do anyway. I know it's not just about the mission anymore for you, and it isn't for me either. So why don't we see if we can make this into something _without _the whole city looking in on us?" He stops, a little out of breath. 

"There are...regulations." Chris says, but it sounds weak. 

"Fuck them!" Ash says, a little viciously, "I'm Section 31, you're so fond of pointing out how little we care about regulations anyway." 

Chris laughs lightly, a smile turning his mouth upwards. 

"Stop me if I"m wrong here," Ash says, "But you want this too, don't you?" 

Chris nods. "More than anything." He admits, "God, Ash, I've been spending the last few days going _mad. _Every touch, every kiss, right from the first time you grabbed my hand and declared to total strangers that we were in love, I didn't dare hope, but I let myself dream that maybe it was more than just the mission for you, too." 

Ash moves then, surges into Chris' space to catch him with a hand around the back of his neck and kiss him, but this time it's _real. _This time it isn't to prove to the watching people that they're in love, this time, there's no-one there but the two of them. Ash tries to pour everything he's feeling into the kiss, the emotions that have been building over the last few days, but that have been present since that first charged touch in the shuttlecraft as they hurtled into a time rift together, hoping that Chris can feel what he's feeling right now. 

Their legs tangle together, Chris' arms wrapping around Ash, holding him tight. Too tight. Ash can hardly breathe, but that's fine, because this is the good kind of breathlessness, the kind that is full of joy and want and being allowed to want, to touch, to hold. He feels like if he could draw breath, he'd burst into joyous laughter, except that would mean he wouldn't be kissing Chris, so Ash decides he'll save the laughter for later. 

He can't breathe. Chris' arms are too tight around him. Ash tries to pull out of the embrace, tries to tell Chris that it's too much, but those arms keep squeezing, wrapping around him like steel bands that he can't escape. He struggles, aware that he's panicking. 

And jolts awake with a silent, breathless cry. 

Chris is wrapped around him, still fast asleep, cuddling up to him the way he has been every night since they landed on this planet. 

Before he knows what he's doing, Ash is struggling his way out of that embrace, flinging himself out of the bed even as Chris is waking, ignoring the concerned questions as he stalks from the room. 

Ash shuts the bathroom door behind him, wishes desperately for a lock, turns the sink on and dumps a double-handful of water over his head. The sharp cold brings some clarity to his thoughts, but it's not enough. He desperately doesn't want to go back out there. Maybe he can just hide in the bathroom until sunrise. But he knows that won't work, even as he hears Chris' voice, soft through the door. 

"Ash?" 

Ash bites his lip, hard, to stop the surge of emotions that wells up. 

"You alright?" Chris calls, and the depths of concern in his tone nearly breaks Ash. 

"Fine." Ash opens the door, brushes past Chris without looking at him, "Bad dream. Go back to sleep." 

He throws himself back down onto the mattress, doesn't look at Chris even when he feels the mattress dip and shift, or when Chris pulls the sheets up over the both of them. 

"You wanna-"

"No." Ash snaps. The _last _thing he wants is to tell Chris about what he was dreaming of. 

Chris doesn't say anything, and Ash focuses on making his breathing deep and even, lying limp and heavy on the mattress until he thinks that Chris is asleep. Then, he rolls over to stare at the ceiling, and attempt to get the chaos in his head to subside. 

The moon is full, the light shining in through the open window of their suite, painting everything in stark light and inky shadows that throw everything into sharp relief. The gauzy curtains swirl in the breeze, sweeping and dancing like ghosts. The sheets are almost blindingly white the gap between them. A gap that could be so much smaller, but, for the first time in days, there's enough room for them to put space between them.

Ash lies on his back, doesn't look towards Chris, and tries not to think. 

**Author's Note:**

> Want to know more about Trektober? Click [HERE](https://aishahiwatari.tumblr.com/post/188059640163/trektober) for the info post on Aisha's tumblr, or [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Trektober2019) for the AO3 collection to read our fic. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://demerite.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
